When Preparation Becomes Control: Learning to Lead Without Losing Peace

I used to think peace came from a perfectly planned life.

If I could organize the calendar, color-code the budget, and plan the family meals in advance – then surely, life would flow smoothly. I wore “preparedness” like a badge of honor. After all, isn’t preparation a mark of wisdom and stewardship?

But one season, after weeks of feeling anxious, exhausted, and spiritually disconnected, I realized something sobering: I wasn’t preparing anymore - I was controlling. 

And the hard I tried to control, the future peace drifted from me.

The Subtle Shift From Preparation to Control

As women - especially wives, mothers, and leaders - we’re taught that preparation is power. 

Be organized. Be proactive. Be ready for anything.

And yes, there’s truth in that. Preparation is biblical. Proverbs 31 praises a woman who is intentional and diligent. But somewhere between faithfulness and fear, between stewardship and striving, we can quietly cross a line.

Preparation becomes control when:

• We plan out of fear of failure instead of trust in God’s provision.

• We manage others’ emotions so they won’t be disappointed.

• We push ourselves to exhaustion, convincing ourselves that rest can wait.

This world celebrates that kind of control. But control isn’t the fruit of peace - it’s the counterfeit of trust. 

It feels like power, but it’s fueled by fear.

And fear-driven control will always leave us weary, resentful, and wondering why, despite our success, we still feel empty inside.

When God Disrupts Our Perfect Plans

I remember one week - a few months ago - when everything on my carefully crafted to-do list went wrong.

Carpools for the kids fell through. Meetings were doubled-booked. My husband needed extra support with something in his business.

Old me would have spiraled - feeling frustrated that I “did everything right” and still couldn’t make life cooperate.

But that week, God whispered something that changed how I lead, both in my work and at home: 

“You are not failing because things aren’t going your way. You are being freed from believing your way was the only way.”

That moment shifted everything.

It reminded me that God isn’t impressed by our ability to plan. He’s after our willingness to pause.

Because sometimes, the divine interruptions we resist are actually the invitations that bring us back into alignment with his pace.

This is where I realized that true resilience comes not just from “doing well,” but from letting go. Read more about the power of surrender and resilience in this article on the power of surrender.

The Faithful Balance: Prepared, Not Possessive

There’s a difference between being prepared and being possessive.

Preparation honors God. It’s our way of saying, “Lord, I trust You enough to show up with excellence.”

Possession says, “Lord, I trust You, but I’ll handle this part myself.”

One is partnership. The other is pride.

And the truth is, we can be both ambitious and surrendered. We can be diligent without being driven by fear.

When we invite God into our preparation, we don't have to grip the outcome so tightly - because we know Who holds it.

This is similar to what leadership thought-leaders describe when they talk about how to let go without losing control. 

It’s the same principle whether you’re leading a team, a business, or your household.

How to Lead With Open Hands

So how do we live this out - as women who are called to lead, nurture, and steward so much?

Here are three ways to release control and lead from peace again:

1. Pray Before You Plan

Before you open your planner or check your inbox, pause. 

Invite the Holy Spirit to direct your day. Ask, 

“Lord, what matters most today - to You and to the people You’ve entrusted to me?”

This isn’t about asking God to bless our plans. It’s about aligning our plans with His will.

When prayer becomes the starting point, peace follows naturally.

2. Leave Room for Divine Disruption

Some of life’s most challenging moments aren’t on your schedule.

• The phone call that turns into a heart-healing conversation.

• The unexpected delay that gives you time to breathe.

• The detour that opens a new door.

Interruptions aren’t always inconveniences. Sometimes they’re invitations.

God moves in moments we didn’t pencil in, and when we allow for flexibility, we give Him space to move.

3. Choose Peace Over Perfection

You don’t need to have control to have confidence.

You can be the woman who leads well, raises a family, and honors God - without needing to orchestrate every detail.

Peace isn’t passive; it’s powerful.

It’s the quiet strength that says, “Even if it doesn't go as planned, I’m still safe in God’s hands.”

And research on emotional health confirms it - when we relinquish the need to control everything, we actually gain freedom and wellbeing.

The Cost of Control - and the Gift of Surrender

Here’s what I’ve learned: control costs more than it gives.

It robs us of rest, joy, and presence.

It turns leadership into performance and motherhood into pressure.

But surrender - surrender gives it all back.

When we surrender our calendars, our outcomes, and even our timelines, we find something infinitely better than certainty: clarity.

We begin to see God working in ways our planning never could.

We start leading not from exhaustion, but from overflow.

And that’s when we step back into what I call God’s pace - the divine rhythm where faith meets flow, and peace becomes our power.

This reflects deeply the transformation described in an article on “letting go” and how it leads to real success.

A Gentle Challenge

So, let me ask you this, woman of vision and valor:

Where might God be inviting you to trade control for trust?

Maybe it’s in your business.

Maybe it’s in your home.

Maybe it’s in that part of your life that’s been so tightly held, you’ve forgotten what it feels like to exhale.

God isn’t asking you to let go and lose everything. He’s asking you to make room for Him to do what only He can do.

Because when preparation becomes surrender, peace becomes your pace again.

About Sherrika Sanders

Sherrika Sanders is a Christian Mentor, Speaker, and Founder of Transform the GAAP. She helps ambitious Christian wives and mothers lead boldly in faith, family, and business - without burnout - by returning to God’s pace for leadership, motherhood, and marriage. As host of the She Leads Boldly podcast, Sherrika equips high-achieving women to rise, rest, and lead in alignment with God’ divine rhythm.

Now, if you‘re ready to move beyond surface-level faith and step into deeper intimacy with God, I invite you to start with my book, “When You Know His Name: Discover Identity, Intimacy, and the Power of Prayer through the Names of God” - available now on Amazon.

And if you’re seeking clarity in your own life and leadership, let’s connect. Book your free ‘Your Bold Next Step’ Clarity call or explore my 1:1 mentoring opportunities.