It can be hard to navigate the waters of management. You want to build positive relationships with your team, but not be one of the guys. You want respect but may shy away from delegating or providing negative feedback. Unfortunately, there is no one size fits all approach to dealing with others - outside of honesty and respect. All people are not the same and therefore cannot all be "handled" the same. Some prefer direct feedback, no filters. While others may be more sensitive and cannot take direct feedback as constructive criticism versus an attack. The following are just a few ways to establish some boundaries while building a rapport with your team.
We are not friends. Set boundaries from the start so employees understand every conversation does not need to be work-related, but every conversation should be respectful, and there are boundaries with how far the conversation will go. Have a 10-minute discussion of the weekend activities and how they had to chauffeur the kids around all day on Saturday. However, the conversation stops when the “I had drinks with my girlfriends” becomes a play-by-play of how much they drank and the shenanigans that ensued after. Kindly dismiss yourself with a “sounds like you all had a good time” and “busy day…” or some other phrase to make it known it is time to get to work – and not just continue the conversation with your cubemate. Employees will often give details of what is going on in their personal life so the manager understands why they cannot stay late sometimes when needed or why they need to work a specific set of hours each day. They are not asking for a handout; they just want to be transparent. However, some employees want to take advantage of the fact that they are a single parent, a primary caregiver, or barely making ends meet because they do have an ulterior motive and believe their sob story will warrant them more sick days or excused time away from work. Everyone has a story, and everyone is expected to do their best to meet their commitments just as you are. Do not allow personal interactions to get in the way of business decisions. Trust your judgment. Give grace when you feel it is needed. Employees should earn your respect just like you must earn theirs. With that respect should come trust.
Where is the trust? Your employee has a question for a senior-level manager. However, they cannot talk to the director without getting the “okay” from their supervisor, who had to get the “okay” from their manager before the employee can ask a basic question. Or, a message can only be given to the direct supervisor, the supervisor must ask their manager, and the manager ultimately has the conversation with the director. I guarantee the original message has changed by now – based on the message carriers’ perceptions. These practices lead employees to believe they need to be monitored or their messages checked for quality control before they reach an upper-level manager. An employee should feel like they can have a professional conversation with any member of the company. Otherwise, they must depend on the management team to be their voice and speak up on their behalf. Encourage your employees to speak up, professionally. Depending on the severity of the message, let your employee know that they can rehearse the conversation with you first to help them feel more comfortable before going to senior management. Let them know you have their back. You can even go a step further and tell the employee you will go with them as support for the conversation. You are there for the introduction, but they are speaking and using their own words. It will also help to ensure their questions, concerns, or messages are heard if they schedule a 15-minute meeting on the senior manager’s calendar versus bombarding them in the hallway on the way to a meeting or the bathroom! There will be those employees who may not present themselves well, or speaking to certain levels of management can make them uneasy. In those scenarios, it is okay to have that honest conversation with the employee to let them know an alternate course of action to still have their message heard. It could be that you and the employee meet with the manager, but you help guide the conversation. If the conversation is regarding a salary increase, promotion, or other sensitive topics, it may be best for you as the manager to speak on the employee’s behalf, so the senior manager is not put in an awkward situation. You can then give your honest feedback – which should have been shared with the employee so you two are on the same page. Then, maybe a second conversation can be held with the senior manager and the employee directly.
Apologize. Acknowledge when you are wrong. Mistakes happen. We are all human. Acknowledging your mistakes helps your employees feel more comfortable with coming to you when they have erred or have concerns regarding their job duties. Welcome feedback. You do not have all the answers and you should not want a team that needs you to make all the decisions. Communicate often. There will be hard conversations, but people respect honesty. Your employees should not be surprised when going into your annual review sessions because you should have been discussing concerns, strengths, and areas of growth all year. One of my best compliments happened when I gave an employee negative feedback during a review, and they did not have any questions about my feedback or recommendations because it is something we previously discussed. Empower your team to think outside of the box. Empower them to question when things do not seem right. Focus on building an environment of leadership and respect and your employees will follow you to the ends of the earth.
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